


Hell Hath No Fury

by LdyAnne



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Challenge Response, Drama, Episode Related, Episode: s02e12 Epiphany, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-19
Updated: 2012-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 15:30:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/408034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LdyAnne/pseuds/LdyAnne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teer has issues. Not so much a tag for Epiphany, as it is the rest of the story.  Written for the Halloween challenge, featuring an angry ghost and a scary monster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_They had come for him._

John stood staring at his friends, a little afraid that he was lying on the ground wounded by the beast again and this was all an hallucination. But the awkward embarrassment he was sensing from Rodney, the nonchalant disdain from Ronon, Beckett's concern – it was all too real. John felt the emotions he'd been trying to bury for so long come bubbling to the surface and he had to turn away.

"Let's get outa here," he said roughly. He was more than ready to leave the sanctuary behind. His prison of the last six months.

"No, no, we can't just yet." Rodney's words caught John by surprise and he paused, turning back.

Everyone was looking at McKay for an explanation.

He rolled his eyes. 'I work with idiots' plain in his voice and manner. "We came through a time dilation field. Time is passing so much faster in here that we have to give enough time on this side of the field so we don't meet ourselves going in."

"Is that even possible?" Ronon's skepticism was plain for everyone to hear.

It didn't even phase Rodney, "Well, it's not a proven fact. Why don't we go back and we'll let you test the theory?"

Listening to his teammates bicker, Sheppard felt a knot inside him release. He was going home.

He stepped between the combatants feeling like he was settling back where he belonged. "Why don't we go back to the cloister? I need to get the few things I had and then we can go back. That'll take a few hours. That long enough for you, McKay?" he asked. He looked them over. His friends looked just the way he remembered them and they should, he amended to himself silently, only two hours had passed for them. He was the one who had changed.

Rodney nodded, "Yeah, that should do it." He bounced on his toes. "I'd kind of like to take a look at their power source."

"Rodney," Elizabeth's voice held a warning note.

"I'm not going to take it apart, I just want to see it. Take a few readings," he assured her as he rushed to follow Sheppard on the path back to the village.

~~~~~~

The rest of their group sensed that Rodney really needed to talk to Sheppard alone so they hung back. Dr. Weir and Carson conversed quietly as they trailed along behind, giving the pair their privacy. Ronon and Teyla brought up the rear, still on the alert. They had learned through hard experience that just because a place seemed peaceful and serene that it wasn't necessarily so. The beast might have been vanquished, but there were so many other things to be on the lookout for in the Pegasus Galaxy.

Walking next to Sheppard, Rodney snuck quick sideways glances from time to time, taking in the 'wild man' look that Sheppard was sporting. It was a shock because he'd looked just like Sheppard two hours ago, the last time Rodney had seen him. Now... he was rough and unshaven and his clothes were simple and obviously home made. But his hair still stuck up at improbable angles which just struck Rodney as right, that at least his hair was still recognizably John Sheppard.

The other man was lost in his thoughts and Rodney tried to respect that, he really did, but he needed to talk to Sheppard to know that he was really okay. "So, how are you?" he said finally when he could stand the silence between them no longer.

Sheppard glanced over at him, as if surprised to see him there.

"I'm fine," he insisted though Rodney could see he was anything but. Sheppard took a deep breath and asked, "Two hours?" There was something in his eyes Rodney couldn't define.

Rodney shrugged. "For us it was only two hours, maybe more like three now. If we hurry we'll make it home in time for dinner. They're having tuna surprise in the mess hall tonight. I've always wondered where they get tuna from in the Pegasus Galaxy, I'm just a little afraid to ask..." he trailed off when he realized that Sheppard was grinning at him.

"I missed you, you know that don't you?" Sheppard's voice was rough with emotion. Which surprised Rodney a lot, because Sheppard didn't usually do emotions.

Rodney shrugged awkwardly because he didn't really do emotions either, "I'm sure we would have missed you, too... eventually." He changed the subject quickly. "What was it like? In here?" he swept a hand to encompass the sanctuary.

Sheppard's eyes took a far off, thoughtful look. "It was okay, I guess. There were people, you saw them. They were nice enough. They just weren't the people I wanted them to be." There was so much more behind the words, Rodney could see that. He rarely got people, but he got John Sheppard because the man was a lot like Rodney McKay himself. He didn't let people in easily because people let you down, people hurt you. Sheppard had let a few people in and he had thought they had deserted him. Rodney got that.

"We wouldn't have left you here, colonel," he said quietly.

There was silence for a long while. Rodney thought the conversation was over as they came in sight of the cloister with its picturesque houses and serene air about it.

"I'm sorry I gave up on you, McKay. I should have known better," Sheppard said at last.

"That's right," Rodney huffed glad that they were back at a place in the conversation where he knew how to respond. "No way in hell I'm training a new commanding officer. I just got you broken in."

Sheppard didn't respond, he just lifted an eyebrow and smiled before sweeping a hand. "Welcome to the Sanctuary."

It was pretty small, just a few houses and a central table.

"I'm surprised you didn't die of boredom," Rodney commented idly.

"It was a definite possibility," Sheppard agreed.

~~~~~

It was weird to walk through the village with McKay and the rest of his friends. The Atlanteans looked so out of place in the simple village with their crisp uniforms and their weapons. It was strange, and yet it felt good to have Rodney to trade barbs with again. There hadn't been anyone to do that with for six months. The people of the Sanctuary were all so damn serene, they just didn't get sarcasm. Not like Dr. Rodney McKay.

Staying in the Sanctuary for even just a few hours more felt like a punishment. If he would admit it to himself, John was still afraid he was never going to get out. He was afraid something would happen and he'd be stuck there the rest of his life.

More than anything he wanted to go home, back to Atlantis and feel her welcoming hum in the back of his head. He wanted to fly a jumper and escape the confines of gravity. He wanted to stand on a balcony and just look out over the water and smell the salt air, feel the cool breeze on his face. He wanted to sit with his friends around him and watch movies and eat popcorn. He wanted to fall asleep with the people he cared about around him. He *needed* to go home.

He paused as they passed Teer's house. He had never been inside of it. He had never really wanted to before.

While he'd known from almost the beginning that Teer harbored feelings for him, he hadn't been able to think about returning them until he'd given up hope that his friends would come for him. He'd given into Teer's advances more because of anger that he was stuck, than because he had any true desire for her. He was glad she had ascended and would never know his true feelings.

He glanced around to find that his friends had all caught up with them. They were watching him expectantly.

"I'm just going to uhm..." he gestured at the door with a hand. He couldn't explain his sudden need to go inside Teer's house so he strode up the stairs, leaving his friends gaping after him.

They didn't immediately follow him, for which he was grateful. He blinked in the sudden dimness of the room, letting his eyes adjust to the lack of light. The curtains had been drawn and the room was neat and tidy as if Teer had straightened it knowing she wouldn't be back. The room was nearly as bare as his own with just a big bed for Teer and Hedda in one corner and a little table setting next to the window.

He took in the room, trying to find anything of the people that lived there, some small thing that he might take back with him. Not so much as a reminder of a Teer, but as proof that he had spent time in the cloister, some memory of six months spent here. His gaze swept past the table. He hesitated and went back, his glance caught by something he thought he saw there.

Moving closer, he found that it was a slip of paper that had caught his eye. Strange in a place where he had seen no such thing in the months he had been there – no books, no pads, nothing written of any sort.

The paper was folded, 'John Sheppard' written neatly on the top. He might have thought it was a note left for him by Teer except that he recognized the handwriting. It was Teyla's neat precise script. She'd been quite proud when she learned to write their language and used it at every opportunity.

How had it gotten into Teer's room? Now that was the question.

He picked up the folded piece of paper and opened it slowly, smoothing the crease. The page inside was again filled with Teyla's neat script. He read it through twice before the truth came to him in a flash.

Teer had known.

She had known about the nature of the Sanctuary, about the time dilation field. And she had deliberately not told him the truth. Even knowing how upset he was that his friends hadn't come for him, knowing that they were trying to rescue him, she hadn't said a thing. She'd played him like a violin, being all soft and warm and sympathetic knowing that, in the end, he would come to her. She had planned it all somehow and had meant for John to ascend with the rest of her people when it happened. He wondered if his friends hadn't arrived in time, if he would have been able to resist her?

He swallowed down the bile of anger and rage that threatened to erupt.

It hadn't happened, he told himself. Rodney and the rest of his team had come for him, it was over now. He could go home.

He crumpled up the piece of paper with Teyla's note and let it drop to the floor as he left. He found his team in much the same way he left them, blinking up at him in the bright afternoon sunlight. They had his pack.

"Ronon found your house," Teyla explained. "We got your things together..."

"We're out of here," he growled as he set the pace back to the portal. He didn't even pause to look back to see if they were following.

~~~~~~

Getting his life back to normal wasn't going to be as simple as just returning to Atlantis, as much as John had hoped that would work. It was surreal to walk through the corridors knowing that for everyone else there only a few hours had passed. Hell, most people hadn't even known there was a problem. Although he did a get a few double-takes in the hallway when people realized that it was Colonel John Sheppard, military commander of Atlantis walking down the hallway with a full beard and in native dress.

All he really wanted was to go to his quarters and have a real shower and shave, put on his uniform, reacquaint himself with his city and with his life. Somehow he'd known it wasn't going to be that easy. Beckett's hand on his shoulder when they reached the transporter brought him up short.

"Come on, Doc," John said bitterly. "Let me just shower and change. I'll come straight to the infirmary when I'm done," he promised sincerely, hoping Carson didn't see the lie in his eyes.

The doctor must have seen something, or maybe he just knew the colonel all too well, because he shook his head.

"I'm afraid not, colonel." John tried to shake his arm free, but the doctor just gripped all the tighter. "Now, I left you alone in the jumper because I thought you needed a little time and space, but we really have no idea what exposure to a time dilation field might mean. You were not supposed to come out of there, it was supposed to be a one way trip. I just want to make sure you're alright."

"But you all went in and came out, too," he pointed out, knowing he sounded childish and not really caring. He just didn't want to go to the infirmary. Deep down inside he was afraid of what Carson would find.

"And they *will* come in for checks, too," Carson responded evenly, glaring at McKay when he opened his mouth to disagree. "But your exposure was much longer. And don't think I haven't noticed how you're favoring your right leg. You've got an injury you've been keeping to yourself, haven't you?"

"John, please," Elizabeth said softly. Up to this point she'd stayed mostly silent, letting McKay and the doctor run things, but now she stepped in. "We need to know that you're alright. Just go along with Carson, please."

Teyla and Ronon nodded their agreement. McKay just crossed his arms and looked guilty, as if everything that had happened to John once he stepped through the portal was his fault.

John nodded, defeated by the good will of his friends. They were all looking at him with such good intentions shining in their eyes and he didn't know how to tell them that he didn't want their consideration or their thoughtfulness. He just wanted things back the way he remembered them.

He had a feeling once Carson had him in the infirmary he wasn't getting out any time soon. He was still tired and achy from his last encounter with the beast, wounds he hadn't allowed Hedda to fully heal. Then there was the matter of his first encounter with the beast and the scars left by that. Yes, Carson was going to freak. Which meant a protracted stay in the infirmary and the rest of his friends would soon know about what he'd gone through in the 'sanctuary.'

Still he *was* tired and he couldn't think of any logical reason to escape Carson. He shrugged, and rubbed a hand through his hair, "At least let me take a shower and change clothes."

"Oh, aye, colonel," Carson said as he steered him into the transporter, the rest of his team and Elizabeth following along. "I'm fairly sure the nurses will be insisting on that."

~~~~~~

His ordeal in the infirmary was as long and gruesome as John had feared. Carson ran every test known to medicine and some he might have made up on the spot. How did you test for the effects on the human body from a time dilation field? John did his best to not know, even though all of it happened to his body.

Still, three days later even Carson had to admit that he wasn't suffering any lasting affects from his time spent in the sanctuary. He complained greatly about the half-healed cracked ribs and the pulled groin muscle, but there was really nothing serious enough to keep a bored Sheppard in the infirmary. There was actually an audible sigh of relief when Carson arrived to release him.

"Now, Colonel," he began.

Sheppard held up a hand, "Yes, yes, I know, call you right away if I experience anything strange or out of the ordinary. Trust me, doc, you'll be my first call." John grinned at his friend, knowing that Carson was only overprotective because he cared so much.

Carson had the grace to look abashed, although he couldn't resist teasing, "Now, Colonel, perhaps I was a wee bit hasty in saying you could leave, I still have a test or two I could..."

John was up from the bed and heading to the door before Carson could finish. "Trust me, I'm fine, I'll call if there are any problems."

Of course it wasn't as simple as just escaping from the infirmary. John found Rodney standing outside the door, leaning against the wall. "Making an escape?" he asked with a grin.

"Actually, McKay, the good doc released me. Now barring any more calamities, I'm going to my quarters, get rid of this beard at last and put on real clothes." He took off down the hall hoping McKay would get the hint and leave him alone.

As usual, Rodney was oblivious and fell into step beside him, "So, no strange skips in time, no flashes forward or backwards?"

"Hate to disappoint you, McKay, but I'm fine."

Rodney flashed him a frown, "Disappointed? Why would I be disappointed? I'm just glad you're alright."

"I know that," John sighed. The doors at the transporter opened for them. John pushed the destination closest to his quarters and just like that, the doors at the other end opened for them. "It's all just so weird. I'm having a hard time getting my head around the fact that I was only gone for two hours. That's not even time enough for anyone to miss me."

Rodney glanced over at him, eyes narrowed, "Is that what this is about? Nobody missed you?"

"No. Yes. Hell... I don't know." John kept his eyes resolutely ahead as they walked. "I just know I missed you guys... a lot. I imagined all sorts of crazy things, that the Wraith had culled you and you couldn't come for me. Maybe you didn't want to come for me. I don't know. It was just... hard."

John knew he was revealing more of himself than he might normally, but he was still feeling raw and unsettled from his enforced stay in the sanctuary. He'd missed his friends, dammit. They reached his door and John thought it open.

"Sheppard," Rodney's hand stopped him from walking through. "I'm really sorry."

John blinked at him. "You're sorry? For what, McKay?"

"I should have checked the facts out more thoroughly before I let you go through that portal. Hell, I practically pushed you through. I just..."

"McKay, just stop now." John said harshly. Yeah, he'd wanted to blame Rodney, too, in those first days of his exile. He'd even hated the scientist, but he'd gotten past that. Now he had to figure out how to get Rodney past it. "Stuff happens, okay."

Rodney paused, mouth agape, just staring at him. "Stuff? You've just reduced everything that's happened to us here in the Pegasus Galaxy to 'stuff?'"

Sheppard smirked at him, it felt good to just listen to Rodney rant, "I'm a simple guy. Anyway, stuff happens. You came and got me," and Rodney would never know just how much it meant to John Sheppard that he'd done that. From what Carson had told him, Rodney had single-handedly bullied everyone into Sheppard's rescue. While everyone else had been standing around with 'their fingers in their ears,' Rodney had been pushing and pulling to keep people focused and moving, "before I was old and grey. I really appreciate that." He shifted not sure what else to say. "Listen, if you don't mind, I'd like to shower and shave..." he gestured uncertainly with a hand hoping Rodney would get the hint *this* time.

Rodney just took it as an invitation to come in. "I'll wait. I thought you might want to watch a movie or something. You do have the week off remember?"

He plopped himself down on John's couch, looking for all the world like he intended to stay. John sighed and let the door shut. "I may be awhile."

John's laptop was lying on the table in front of the couch. Rodney opened it, booting it up. "I'll keep myself amused," he assured Sheppard.

John just shook his head. He was too tired to argue with a determined McKay, so he just grabbed a change of clothes, along with the rest of what he needed. He went into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind him.

He could have shaved in the infirmary, but it hadn't felt right. He was finally getting rid of the last traces of his time in the sanctuary and he wanted to do it properly. Heightmeyer would probably have some fancy psycho babble for it. John just knew he wanted to do it in his own quarters, in his own bathroom.

He turned the water on and adjusted it until he found the temperature he was comfortable with – not too hot, but warm and soothing. He picked up the bundle he'd brought in with his clothes. He didn't have an ordinary razor for this job. He thought it deserved something a little more traditional. He'd borrowed a shaving kit from one of the scientists with a straight razor and razor strop, it even included a brush for the soap.

He splashed his face with the warm water and spread soap over his beard. Picking up the razor, he admired its sharp edge before taking a careful swipe. The blade was just as sharp as it looked and it left a clean swath of skin in its path. He lost himself in the rhythm of shaving. It felt good to see John Sheppard emerging again in his mirror. He tilted his chin back and carefully placed the blade against his throat, ready to be done.

"John," the feminine voice startled him. His first thought was that it was Elizabeth or someone on his headset. Then he remembered that he wasn't wearing a headset. Besides the voice wasn't anyone from Atlantis. The voice was...

He paused with the blade at his throat, frozen when he saw her in the mirror standing behind him. Teer.

"So this is the Atlantis that you left us for?"

He could feel her hands on his shoulders, her warm breath tickled his ear as she leaned into him. She put her fingers over his and pulled down on the hand holding the razor. In the mirror he could see the blood that began to seep as she applied more and more pressure.

"Teer," he whispered, not daring to move.

Inexorably, she continued forcing his hand down and the blood began to truly flow, falling in a stream into the sink.

John met Teer's eyes in the mirror. Gone was the allusion she had given in the sanctuary of the gentle, lovely young woman. Now he saw the coldness there, the determination to get what she wanted at all costs.

He braced himself against the sink with one hand, the other trembled as he battled for control. He knew he was strong, and yet the blade continued to bite into his flesh, it slid ever closer to the veins where his life's blood literally flowed.

"End this," he said through clenched teeth.

She smiled at him, "But John, it's not an ending. It's just the beginning. Just let yourself go and you'll see. We can be together forever."

He didn't know how he had ever been fooled by her. But no more.

"No," he ground out.

"Oh, John," she sighed softly, "why do you always have to do things the hard way?"

He didn't answer, he just concentrated on resisting with all he had.

But he was losing.

Her hand was pushing the blade farther and farther down, closer and closer to his jugular.

The door to the bathroom slid open as Rodney chose that moment to let himself in, a stack of disks in his hand.

"Sheppard, this is the saddest collection of movies..."

John didn't know what he was going to say because Teer was suddenly gone and it was his own hand at his throat with blood running down his fingers. Rodney stopped, his eyes wide with shock at what he saw. Instantly, he tapped his com.

"Medical emergency in Sheppard's quarters," he yelled. He dropped the disks, heedless of the fact that he stepped on several of them to get to Sheppard.

"Put the razor down," he said quietly, like he was talking someone off a ledge.

It would have been funny if Sheppard's hand wasn't shaking so damn bad he was afraid he was going to finish the job that Teer had started. He did manage to pull the razor away from his own throat, staring fascinated at the blood that coated it, little drops falling. He began to shake in earnest from reaction, his knees buckling.

Rodney was there to ease him down onto the toilet. He carefully took the razor from John's trembling fingers and put it in the sink, twisting the water off. Then Rodney picked up the towel and pressed it to John's chin – hard.

"What were you doing?" Rodney asked, still in that too-quiet tone.

He was afraid of spooking him, John thought. Too late.

The room was beginning to spin. John clutched Rodney's wrist, letting it ground him, willing himself to calm down.

"Sheppard?"

John could hear the worry in Rodney's voice, he just didn't think he knew what to tell him. Was it worse for them to think he was trying to cut his own throat or that Teer was haunting him? He didn't know that he was laughing until Rodney shook him.

"Colonel, stop it," he said sharply.

John blinked up at him as he realized that he was holding Rodney's wrist too tightly, but Rodney wasn't saying any thing about that. There was only worry for his friend in his eyes.

"I'm sorry..." John began only to be interrupted by the doctor's arrival.

Carson took in the scene before him – the sink splattered red, John with a blood-soaked towel at his throat, his fingers locked around Rodney's wrist.

He muttered, "Oh, bloody hell. What now?"

Reluctantly John let go of Rodney's wrist so that Carson could move in. The doctor pulled the towel away so he could get a look at the wound beneath.

"Would one of you like to tell me what's going on here?" he asked.

Rodney crossed his arms tightly, "I was just asking the colonel that myself."

"Colonel?" Carson asked, adopting the same quiet voice Rodney was using.

John wanted to answer, he did. But the room really was spinning around him now. Little black dots were dancing on the edges of his vision and behind Rodney in the doorway he could see Teer smiling at him.

"See you around, John," she said

"Teer," he called out to her as he slid into darkness.

~~~~~~

It wasn't something he thought he'd ever see. It was certainly something he never wanted to see again. John Sheppard with a razor at his throat, blood everywhere – it looked a scene from a bad horror movie. Rodney knew it would be featuring in a few of his nightmares now.

First he had to get help, that much he knew. Tapping his com, he took care of that, "Medical emergency in Sheppard's quarters." He didn't even wait for a response before moving cautiously forward.

Rodney had seen Sheppard in a lot of stressful situations – in pain, angry, pissed, even high as a kite when they'd ingested some alien mushroom thing by mistake, but he'd never seen him shaking from fear. Rodney had to swallow down his own nausea at the sight of the blood everywhere, too much blood.

Rodney moved slowly, afraid that if he moved too quickly it might cause Sheppard to finish what he started.

Shit, what it looked like he'd started.

There was no way Rodney would believe that John Sheppard would kill himself. No matter what it looked like. He might throw himself in front of a bullet meant for a team member or fly away on some idiot suicide mission meant to save the city, but he wouldn't deliberately take his own life. No way.

Still Sheppard stood there, razor to his throat, blood flowing from the wound in his throat. Where was the jugular? Rodney wandered worriedly. Maybe he'd nicked something because there was so much blood and it didn't look like Sheppard was going to move anytime soon.

"Put the razor down," Rodney said, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. He knew that he tended toward the extreme, but the situation was extreme enough without any help from him. He figured that he needed to get the colonel out of harm's way, then they could figure out what was going on.

His hand shaking, Sheppard did as instructed for once, moving the razor away from his throat. All the color drained from his face and Rodney knew that Sheppard wasn't going to be standing much longer as his whole body began to shake. Rodney moved forward to catch the man just as his knees buckled and eased him down to sit on the toilet.

Carefully he prized the razor from Sheppard's fingers. Rodney had to curl the fingers back, Sheppard was clutching it so tightly. He set it on the far side of the sink, as far from the colonel as he could get it. Then he grabbed up a towel and pressed it to the wound, pressing hard, trying to staunch the bleeding.

Sheppard just sat, letting Rodney do all the work, eyes dazed and haunted.

"What were you doing?" Rodney asked at last, no longer able to contain himself. He thought he actually did a good job of keeping his own freak out reigned in. Keep calm. Keep Sheppard calm. Where the hell was Carson?

Sheppard didn't answer him. If anything his face went whiter before he reached out and wrapped his fingers around Rodney's wrist. His grip was tight. Rodney thought he could feel the bones in his wrist grinding together.

"Sheppard?" Rodney shut his mouth before anything else spilled out.

_You're freaking me out, Sheppard, tell me why you'd do this._

Maybe Sheppard knew what he wasn't saying because he began to laugh, more than a little hysterically. Rodney didn't know what to do. Carson was supposed to be there, Carson was supposed to take care of hysterical colonels and bleeding wounds. This was more than he knew how to deal with. Rodney McKay knew physics and numbers, he didn't know how to deal with people.

He reached out with the hand that Sheppard didn't have a death grip on and shook him, hard.

"Colonel, stop it," he commanded in his sharpest voice, the one he saved for Kavanaugh when he was being an extra special ass.

For a second there was nothing, then Sheppard blinked and seemed to come back to himself. He looked up at Rodney questioningly, as if not quite sure where he was. He eased up his grip on Rodney's wrist. Although it was too late, there was going to be Colonel John Sheppard finger-sized bruises on Rodney's wrist soon. And wouldn't that be special?

Sheppard swallowed, "I'm sorry," he began just as Carson arrived.

Finally.

Rodney was never so relieved to hear, "Oh, bloody hell, what now..."

It was with some reluctance that he stepped back to allow the doctor in closer to Sheppard. Suddenly it was cold in the bathroom. Sheppard was as white as the tile in the Ancient room and he stared at a point just beyond Rodney.

Rodney had a feeling that Sheppard could see something Rodney and the doctor couldn't. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself in an effort to stave off his own freak out. He didn't think Carson could deal with two patients at the moment.

He watched as Carson knelt beside the colonel, pulling the towel away to get a look at the damage. There was just so much blood. Surely too much blood. Still, while Carson looked concerned, it was Carson's everyday concerned, not the concerned that he reserved for life threatening emergencies. Rodney felt himself begin to, not relax exactly, but breathe a little easier.

"Would one o f you like to tell me what's going on here?" Carson asked in a quite reasonable tone. And Rodney would have told him if he had a clue.

"I was just asking the colonel that myself," he informed Carson, careful to use the quiet voice. Things seemed to be calming down and Rodney didn't want to be the one that caused them to careen out of control again.

"Colonel?" Rodney was amused to note that Carson had adopted the same quiet tone. Or maybe it was always Carson's tone and Rodney had just picked it up from too much time spent in the infirmary.

Sheppard was staring at them both, eyes wide and a little vacant, his gaze going from one to the other and then to that point beyond Rodney. Involuntarily Rodney glanced back, but no, there was nothing there but Sheppard's bedroom. He turned back in time to see Sheppard's mouth form a word.

As Sheppard's eyes rolled back in his head and he slid forward into Carson's arms, Rodney heard him say a single word – "Teer."

~~~~~~

It had to be a record. Almost exactly 20 minutes from the time he'd been released, they were wheeling John Sheppard back into the infirmary.

The wound wasn't that serious. It would require stitches and it would be rather more painful than the colonel might expect. But he'd be back up and around soon enough.

No, it was the why of the injury that concerned Carson. The colonel really wasn't one to have stupid shaving accidents. It was true he could be a might careless about his personal safety when other lives were at stake. But to cut himself shaving? Not bloody likely.

It was also obvious, at least to Carson, that the man hadn't been trying to kill himself. John Sheppard was a professional soldier who knew exactly where the jugular was and how to cut it. If he wanted to kill himself, there wouldn't have been a damn thing Rodney McKay could have done to stop it. There would have been nothing left for a doctor to do but make the final declaration as to the time of death.

No, whatever had happened in that bathroom, John Sheppard hadn't been trying to kill himself. Unfortunately, they weren't going to be finding out more until the man himself regained consciousness and that *was* something Carson could do something about.

His staff set about following his orders as fast as he could give them. It gave him a certain amount of pride to see them work, to know that he was responsible for these people, this team. He left the colonel in their care, knowing that when he returned his patient would be ready for him.

He turned to his other patient. While Rodney had no visible wounds, the fact that he hadn't said a word since they'd entered the infirmary told Carson more about his physical state than an exam.

Rodney sat on a bed opposite Sheppard's, staying out of the way, letting the medical team work. He may revile medicine as voodoo, but he always knew when to stand back and let them do their work.

"Is he going to be alright?" Rodney asked anxiously, his fingers tapping restlessly against the bed. The scientist was covered in Sheppard's blood, but he didn't seem to be aware of it.

"Oh, aye," the doctor did his best to reassure him, "he'll be fine. Do you have any idea what happened?"

Rodney shook his head, but then he said, "I might have some ideas."

"Ideas?" Carson prodded. It was clear that Rodney really wasn't paying attention, he was focused on the colonel, watching every move made by the nurses as they went about their business of caring for him. He took Rodney's pulse, it was a little fast, but that wasn't unusual for the hyperactive scientist.

It caught his attention though and that had been Carson's intention. Rodney jerked his hand away, "I need to do some research before I know anything. Shouldn't you be taking care of the colonel?"

"Aye, I will. I just wanted to make sure you're alright. You should go shower and change, it will be awhile before the colonel wakes up."

Rodney waived him away, "I'm fine," he declared, the irritation plain in his voice. Carson knew he wouldn't be prying anything out of the scientist before Rodney McKay was good and ready. Satisfied that Rodney really was alright, the doctor started to go back to the colonel.

"Carson?" Rodney caught his sleeve.

Carson turned back with an upturned eyebrow.

Rodney had crossed his arms and was glaring at the doctor, "Sheppard didn't try to... you know..." he graphically illustrated drawing a blade across his own throat.

"Aye, I know that," Carson answered calmly.

"Because he wouldn't do that..." Rodney continued not really listening to what Carson had said.

"I'm agreeing with you," Carson cut him off before he could get really warmed up.

Rodney sat with his mouth open for a second, no words coming out before he snapped it shut with an audible click of his teeth. "Good," he said at last. He jumped from the bed. "I need to go check some things out, I'll be back before he wakes up." He headed for the door without waiting for an answer.

"Go shower and eat something," Carson called after him. "I don't need you in here as a patient, too," he muttered under his breath before he turned back to the friend he could actually help.

~~~~~~

John found himself back at the deserted compound. Time had passed. The buildings were more worn with no one there to repair them, shutters were hanging precariously, there were gaps in the stairs where wood had rotted away, spiders had spun their webs across the doorways. He knew if he thought about it he could figure out how many years had passed in the three days he'd been back in Atlantis. He just didn't care enough to do it.

He walked down the path between the houses. The remains of their last meal was on the communal table they all had shared. He remembered sitting at the table with Hedda at his side, trying to tell the people of the sanctuary about thunderstorms. It astounded him that they were so anxious to ascend without ever really experiencing life at all.

He'd never considered ascension for himself before he came to the sanctuary. He'd read about it in reports at the SGC before he stepped through the gate to go to the Pegasus Galaxy. He knew about Daniel Jackson and what had happened to him. John had met Daniel Jackson once or twice. He thought the man a little insane anyway. He was a bit like McKay – passionate and talking too fast, but he didn't have the snarky wit that made Rodney so much fun.

After six months in the sanctuary, listening to the people there talk about nothing but ascension, John knew it wasn't for him. He loved life too much –he loved flying, feeling the gs push his body into the seat, the thrill that came from knowing that if he didn't do everything exactly right that it would be his last flight. He loved surfing, feeling the way the board moved beneath him, figuring the angles so that he could ride the wave all the way. He loved..., god, everything. He had known that he faced a life alone if Teer and her people ascended before he was rescued, and yet, he would have stayed, waiting for a rescue that might never come rather than give up his life to live as an ascended being.

He found himself outside of Teer's house again. He climbed the steps and they creaked under his footsteps, giving dangerously under his weight. When he opened the door, it screeched loudly in protest. Inside, it was like no time had passed whatsoever. It was pristine and clean, maybe Teer had a maid service.

He spotted the crumpled note where he dropped it. He picked it up and smoothed it out.

_John,_ was written in Teyla's distinctive style, _Dr. McKay says that you have been caught in a time dilation field. He had many long, difficult words to explain this, but I think, simply put, that time will pass for you faster on that side of the doorway than it does for us. I wish you to know that Dr. McKay is putting all of his effort into rescuing you.. We will not rest until we have found you, John, so you must not give up hope. Even when it seems like there can be no more possibility of rescue, we are still trying. Hang on to that, John._

_Teyla Emmagin_

He could almost hear her voice, it made him smile. He folded the paper in half again and laid it on the table.

"What are you doing, Teer?" he called to the air. He knew she was listening. He had felt like he was being watched ever since he had found himself in the compound.

"John," she materialized sitting in the chair next to him.

He backed away.

"You do not need to be afraid of me, John," she said with a small smile.

"I wouldn't say I was afraid of you," he told her coolly. "I'd call it a strategic retreat. Besides the last time I saw you, you tried to kill me."

She cast her eyes down demurely, "I am sorry, John. I was angry."

"But you're not now?" he asked cautiously.

"I may have overstepped my bounds," she said primly, her hands tucked into her lap.

John wasn't buying the demure act anymore, but she seemed willing to talk.

"Yes, about that. I thought you were ascended."

She smiled, "And I am, John. It is as wonderful as we had always thought it would be. We hold the power of the universe in our hands, ours to wield as we will." Her smile turned predatory.

"I thought the ascended had rules?" He was sure he'd read about there being rules in those reports at the SGC.

She didn't seem to like that. Her smile disappeared, her lips pressed together in a disapproving slash, "It is true that there are certain standards that we are expected to adhere to." It didn't appear that she liked adhering to those standards, however.

"Such as not torturing your former lover," John knew he was probably playing with fire here, but he couldn't help himself. He seemed to have a knack for saying the wrong damn thing and now was not an exception.

"Lover, John? Is that what you were?" She stood and seemed to glow from the inside. Fire indeed. "Or was I just a substitute for all that you missed, all that you wanted back in your precious Atlantis?"

"Teer, I'm sorry.." he started, but now there was no stopping her.

She flung out a hand and he flew backwards to hit the wall. Hard.

"You will not speak," her voice was deep and there were definite glowy tendrils floating around her.

John found himself pressed against the wall. An invisible hand pressed him there, holding him. It pressed harder and harder, squeezing the air out of him.

"Does it hurt, John?" she screamed at him. "Have you ever known the pain of loving someone who doesn't love you back?"

"Teer," he gasped, trying to drag air into his lungs even as the hand was doing its best to squeeze it back out.

"No, of course you have not," she answered her own question scornfully. She crossed the room to stand in front of him. The air shimmered around her and she solidified back into the shy demure Teer. She placed her hand on his cheek tenderly. He wanted to jerk away, but he was held in place. "But you will see," she said softly, "you will come to love me. You will ascend and we will spend eternity together." She leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on his lips. "Or I will kill everyone you have ever loved."

Then she was gone and John slid down the wall, gasping for air as the darkness folded in around him.

~~~~~~

In the infirmary, Carson was almost finished stitching the colonel's wound when the man arched up on the table.

"No!" Sheppard screamed before dropping back to the table. He was pale and lifeless. The heart monitor Carson had hooked him to just as a precaution beeped once more then settled into a flat line, its monotonous tone filling the doctor with dread.

John lay, unmoving, his body fell back to the bed with his arms askew. He looked like a rag doll thrown in the corner. There was a single line of blood that ran from the torn stitch to stain the white sheet beneath the colonel's still body.

Carson swore silently. There was no damn way the colonel's heart should have stopped. There was nothing in his condition that could have caused such a thing. But there he was, not even breathing, the line on the monitor a flat hopeless line. Around him, Carson's staff stood at the ready, waiting for his orders.

Before the doctor could even marshal his thoughts, the monitor beeped once, then returned for a second to the flat line. Then it beeped again. Carson stared in disbelief as it returned to its welcome, steady rhythm. Color came back to the colonel's cheeks and his fingers twitched. The colonel sucked in a deep, pained breath; his body went rigid and he sat, eyes wild.

"No," Sheppard growled, clawing at the air around him. It was all Carson and his staff could do to keep him on the bed. He might have been out of the action for six months, but he'd kept himself in good shape. Sheppard lashed out with a foot and a nurse went sprawling. He gave a mighty heave and sent people flying. Carson threw himself bodily on top of the thrashing man, trying to keep him down.

"Colonel Sheppard, John" Carson spoke in his most soothing voice, trying to get through to him, "you are all right. You're in Atlantis, in the infirmary, son."

"I won't let you hurt my friends," Sheppard spat in his face, rolling himself and the doctor off the bed. They crashed to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs. Carson had the breath knocked out of him and lay stunned as Sheppard made it to his hands and knees, swaying drunkenly. Using the bed for leverage, he climbed to his feet.

Lorne, who had been passing by, peaked in when he heard the commotion and joined the fray. He grabbed his commanding officer from behind trying to pin him in place while Carson found a sedative to give him. Sheppard got an elbow free and swung it around, connecting solidly with Lorne's midsection. While the man was bent over trying to recover from the blow, Sheppard rounded on him and smashed Lorne's face into his knee. Lorne went down hard. Sheppard straightened, breathing ragged, but determined. He swung to see if there were any one else to challenge him. The nurses moved back warily, staying out of the colonel's reach.

Still not seeming to know where he was, Sheppard headed for the door. Carson knew they couldn't let the colonel get out of the infirmary in his present condition. Not only was he a danger to himself, but to everyone he encountered. Carson tackled Sheppard around the waist and they crashed into the wall. Sheppard struggled wildly, attempting to push the doctor off him, but Carson had the sedative in his hand now. He rammed the shot into the muscle of Sheppard's arm and held him in place as his struggles became progressively weaker.

Sanity returned to Sheppard's eyes as the sedative took affect. He peered up at the doctor, "Carson?" he whispered before succumbing to the medication. He slumped forward and Carson eased him to the floor.

He kept a hand on Sheppard's shoulder for a second to assure himself that the man was still alive and breathing, "Aye, lad, it's me," he said wearily. He stood slowly with a hand to his back where he had strained a muscle in the melee.

The door slid open and Rodney entered, freshly showered and changed. He carried a laptop under one arm and was munching on a power bar. He stopped startled when he saw the wreckage of the infirmary. His gaze took in the toppled machinery, Lorne's split lip, Sheppard lying on the floor. Rodney's mouth tightened and he turned a frown to the doctor.

"I just can't leave him alone with you, can I? Is this some new medical technique you're trying here?"

Carson waved a tired hand and Lorne moved over to help him lift the colonel back into bed, "Rodney, I'd advise you to remember that you have your annual physical coming up soon."

Rodney thoughtfully considered that before he went to sit on the bed next to the colonel's. He studied his friend taking in the new cuts and bruises, "So, what happened?"

Carson shook his head, "I have no bloody idea."

He scrubbed a hand across his face wincing as he brushed across a sore cheek. "One minute everything was fine, he was still unconscious, but everything looked fine," the doctor stressed the word, his expression daring Rodney to contradict him. "Then he flat lined..." he didn't get a chance to continue.

"He flat lined? As in his heart stopped beating?"

"Aye, Rodney, that's what it usually means," Carson started again, but was once again interrupted.

"What caused it? What did you do about it? Oh, god, it's not going to happen again, is it?"

"Calm down, and breath slowly, Rodney, before I have two patients on my hands." Carson knew where the paper bags were that they kept on hand just for Rodney McKay panic attacks. "Now, as I was sayin', before I got a chance to even figure out what was happening, the colonel was yelling like a banshee and none of us could hold him down. If it hadn't been for Lorne, here, I shudder to think what could have happened."

Lorne waved a hand, "I just did what I had to, Doc. I just hope the colonel doesn't press charges."

Rodney made a rude noise, "Oh, please, like that's likely to happen," he waved away Lorne's concerns with a disinterested wave of his hand. Then he was back on the doctor. Once he was onto something, Rodney McKay was worse than a dog with a bone. "Is his heart likely to stop again? Shouldn't you be doing something to..., oh, I don't know, take care of your patient?"

Carson knew that Rodney was at his most obnoxious when he was also at his most worried. It still didn't keep the doctor from wanting to sedate him into next Tuesday for some peace and quiet.

"Aye and I would be if I didn't have some daft bugger about keeping from my job."

A speechless Rodney was truly a sight to behold. Watching him sit there with his mouth working, opening and closing with no words coming out, was one Carson wouldn't soon forget. Finally he snapped his teeth together with an aggrieved huff and turned to the grinning Lorne.

"Don't you have work to do? Does Sheppard pay you to stand around and look like a loon?"

Lorne had a gun so he must have felt safe to walk over and pat the man on his knee. "Yea, I'm worried about him, too, doc. Let me know what's going on if you find out anything," he made a quick exit from the infirmary before someone could draft him into helping with the clean up.

With a heavy sigh, Carson moved to begin straightening the colonel. He pulled the sheets back into place and let the nurses deal with the tangle of IVs.

"What is going on?" Carson echoed Lorne's question, not really expecting an answer.

"I have a few ideas about that," Rodney answered cryptically, his mouth curling up into the smirk he adopted when he knew something other people didn't, "but I'd like to wait until the colonel wakes up to say anything. That likely to happen soon?"

Carson gave a brief bark of laughter, "Not bloody likely, Rodney. The sedative I gave him was pretty strong."

"Well that's not helpful at all," Rodney snapped at him with a frown.

Carson frowned at him, "Rodney, You weren't here. The colonel was crazed," the doctor swept a hand to indicate the state of the infirmary. "I gave him that sedative for his own good as well as ours."

"Yes, yes, I'm sure it was," Rodney made himself comfortable on the bed, opening his laptop and booting it up. "I'm just going to stay until he wakes up then."

Carson didn't tell him, but it wasn't a bad idea to have someone there to keep an eye on the colonel. "Suit yourself," he told the man, "but stay out of the way, we have a right mess to clean up."

Rodney ignored him, already intent on his computer. He pulled another power bar out of his pocket and opened it absentmindedly. Then he set it aside and leaned over what ever it was that had caught his attention.

Carson his attention back to his unconscious patient.

_What was going on?_ It was the question of the day.

~~~~~~

It was the interminable tapping that woke John up. Not tapping like in rain, but something else, a familiar noise, but still irritating. He pulled himself from the warm comfort of sleep, aware of every ache and pain in his body. Even his hair hurt and that just made no sense.

From the disinfectant smell and the scratchy feel of the sheets, he knew he was in the infirmary. _Just great._ The infirmary was not his favorite place ever. Waking up there was always bad. He cracked his eyes and the ceiling finally swam into focus. _Yep, the infirmary_. Having it confirmed didn't make him feel any better. But at least it wasn't...

The memory of his interlude back at the sanctuary came flooding back. Had he really been there? From the feel of his ribs, he really had. Just remembering being pinned against the wall, Teer's gloating face in front him, made him breathe faster, harder, sucking in breath.

"Hey, its alright, you're alright," a concerned voice brought him back to reality, back to the infirmary. Turning his head to see Rodney hurt a hell of a lot more than it should, but it was worth it to see the bright blue eyes of his friend staring down at him.

He licked his dry lips and instantly there was a straw there. He sipped slowly, aware of how much the mere action of drinking hurt, but it eased his dry throat. He let the straw slip away when he'd had enough.

Rodney watched his every move with keen interest. It kind of freaked John out. He struggled to lift himself, not comfortable flat on his back. Rodney hurried to find the control that would raise the bed. Once he had the bed raised, he began to fuss with the pillows, fluffing them. John raised a hand, careful of the IV on the back of it and grabbed Rodney.

"Stop, just stop okay."

Rodney moved back a step, but still close enough that he could respond quickly if John needed him. John tried for a smile but even that hurt.

"What happened?" he asked.

Rodney's mouth quirked into an ironic grin, "We were actually hoping you could tell us."

"Oh, well," John trailed off, memory of what had happened flowing over him. He shuddered," I think Teer has issues."

Rodney nodded thoughtfully as if it didn't surprise him at all. "Why don't you wait until I get everyone here? That way you only have to tell it once."

It sounded like a good idea to John. He was really tired and sleep was pulling at him. He laid back against the pillows and closed his eyes, letting himself drift as he listened to McKay do whatever it was he did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teer has issues. Not so much a tag for Epiphany, as it is the rest of the story. Written for the Halloween challenge, featuring an angry ghost and a scary monster.

It took awhile, because Beckett insisted on setting up some strange ass machine over John's bed. He said that John's heart had stopped before and the machine would monitor it and warn them if there was any problems. It was something John had never seen before, but that didn't mean anything, because they were discovering new things everyday. John could just feel it looming over his head though.

By the time Beckett's newest machine was in place, there were people crowded all around his bed. Rodney had claimed the chair at John's bedside, his laptop open and sitting on the bed next to John himself. Radek stood behind Rodney, peering over his shoulder at the computer screen. Ronon leaned against the wall, arms crossed. He gave off an air of casual indifference, but John knew better, he could see the lines of tension in Ronon's body. Teyla sat on the empty bed next to him, cross-legged and serene. Elizabeth stood stiffly next to John's bed, clearly uncomfortable. She never did deal with the whole bedside thing well.

John was surprised when Lorne appeared. He stood at parade rest at the foot of his bed. His back was stiff and uncomfortable looking and he wouldn't meet his CO's eyes. He was sporting a spectacular black eye and a split lip. John couldn't wait to get him alone and find out what had happened. He hoped the other guy looked worse. Knowing Lorne, John was pretty sure he did.

Beckett hovered over everything. He cast a disapproving eye over the group that had invaded his infirmary, but he stayed quiet.

John cleared his throat, uncomfortable at being the center of everyone's attention.

"Colonel," Elizabeth spoke, "how are you?"

"I'm fine, Elizabeth," he answered, trying not to sound as miserable as he felt.

Rodney snorted, looking up from his computer to take in John's bruised and battered body. "Oh, yes, we can see that, colonel."

"Rodney," Elizabeth cast her disapproving glare in Rodney's direction. "John, we'll try to make this as quick as possible, I know you must be tired. But we really need to know what's going on. We don't want to think that you might be a danger to yourself or the rest of us..."

"Geeze, Elizabeth," Rodney exploded outraged for John, "you can't really think..."

John stopped him with an upraised hand, "No, Rodney, it's okay. I know what it looks like." He brushed his fingers across the line of stitches. "I didn't do this, Elizabeth."

"Well, then, what..." she started again.

"It was Teer," Rodney answered for him. Which on one hand was okay because John had been dreading saying it out loud in front of everyone. But on the other hand kind of sucked because he didn't need Rodney McKay to fight his battles for him.

"Teer?" Elizabeth looked confused, her gaze going from John to Rodney and back again. "The young woman from the sanctuary. Didn't she ascend?"

"Yes, she did," John answered quickly before Rodney could give his oh, so colorful version of the story. "But it seems she has... issues with me."

"Issues?" Elizabeth regarded him with a blank look. She just wasn't getting it. God, she was going to make him say it.

Rodney cut in again, "Look, let's just say she's not ready to let the colonel go yet and leave it at that." This time John was just as glad to let him field the matter.

John kept his eyes on the ceiling while Elizabeth thought it over. He had liked Teer he really had. He had imagined he could almost be happy there in the sanctuary with her if he was never able to make it home. But it wouldn't have been his choice. She was too set on ascending instead of living her life. John wanted to *do* and *experience* and Teer just wanted to... meditate.

"Alright, so Teer is somehow responsible for this?" Elizabeth asked at last. She waved her hand to indicate John's current condition.

It galled him, it really did, to have to admit to the fact but, "Yes," John said slowly, "she... appeared to me while I was shaving and she seemed pretty pissed that I chose to come back to Atlantis instead of ascending with her. It seemed like she was trying to... force the issue."

"But how can this be?" Teyla asked, her forehead furrowed in thought. "Are not the Ancients supposed to work for good?"

Rodney shook his head, "I've been thinking about this. Remember when I said it was a matter of evolution? Back on the planet."

Teyla nodded affirmation.

"Well evolution doesn't care if you're good or bad, it just happens to everyone who reaches that point in their evolutionary journey." Rodney continued, warming to his subject. His hands moved to punctuate his words. It was almost hypnotic to watch. "We've got the Ancients here in the Pegasus Galaxy, who are not the all-wise, all-caring folk they're cracked up to be." They had all seen too much of some of the things the Ancients had done to believe in that fallacy any more. John had met some of them on the Aurora and knew that some of them had indeed been good, caring people, but there were some seriously messed up ones, too. "In this galaxy we have the Ancients, who you might say are the good end of the scale. In the Milky Way, they have the Ori, which is the other, evil end. I think Teer fits in at that end somewhere."

"But what about the others of her kind?" Carson asked. "Isn't there some sort of rule about her not being able to interfere or something of that sort?"

"The Ancients seem to be flexible with their rules," Rodney's disdain was evident in his voice. "I mean Teer almost killed John twice now and they didn't do anything about it."

"Almost is the important word there, Rodney," Elizabeth said slowly. It was evident that she had a theory forming.

"Elizabeth?" John leaned forward, anxiously waiting to hear what she said.

"I don't think she can kill you, John. At least outright."

Rodney snapped his fingers, catching up with her, "Yes, yes, I see what you're saying. As long as she takes it so far and no further, then maybe the Ascended police or whatever don't know or won't stop her or something."

"So, she's allowed to torture me, but as long as she doesn't kill me, it's alright?" John's voice cracked in disbelief.

"Now we didn't say it was alright," Rodney snapped. "Just that maybe they didn't notice."

"Is there anything we can do to stop her?" Lorne put in. "At the moment she seems to be able to come and go as she pleases. And pretty soon, the colonel's going to end up dead." He winced and suddenly John really wanted to know how his second in command came by his bruises.

Zelenka whispered something in Czech and leaned over Rodney's shoulder to pull up something on the computer.

"Yes," Rodney nodded when he saw what Zelenka had in mind. "That might work."

"What?" Several voices asked in chorus.

"That device the Ancients used to trap the Energy sucking creature..." Rodney trailed off, typing furiously.

Without missing a beat, Zelenka took over the explanation. "We might be able to modify device so we can trap evil ascended woman and keep her from hurting colonel again..."

"Might?" John asked, trying to see what they were doing.

"Yes," Rodney took up the thread again, "We could use a small room or something and if we could lure her in there, then perhaps we could trap her like the ancients did the energy sucking creature."

"And what would we use to lure her into this room?" John asked even though he already knew the answer.

Every eye in the room turned to look at him. He squirmed and tried to sit up straighter.

There was the sound of laughter, incongruous to his ears and then Teer appeared, standing next to Elizabeth.

"Oh, John," she said. "These are the friends that you chose instead of me. They're willing to use you as bait."

Before John could answer, Zelenka shouted, "Now, Rodney, now."

Rodney answered "I know," as he continued madly typing.

The machine over John's head began to glow blue and he felt a crackling in the air. Teer bent and folded into two, for a split second it seemed that she was going to be sucked into the machine.

"Yes," McKay said under his breath.

Then all hell broke loose around John.

The machine's glow faded. With a wrench and a metallic protest, it broke free of its mooring and sailed across the room to crash in a smoking heap. The lights in the infirmary dimmed and brightened and then dimmed again. Emergency lights kicked in, bathing them all in a red cast. A wind whipped around the room, strong enough to pick up anything not secured. John brought up his hand to protect his face.

"An excellent attempt, Dr. McKay," Teer's anger was palpable. Energy crackled throughout the room. "You were very nearly successful."

"Oh, that was only my first attempt," Rodney spat out. He stood in proud defiance of the ascended woman.

"Your first and only," Teer screamed.

The scream picked up and echoed weirdly through the room. There was a crash and a flicker in the air that John recognized just as claws came out of nowhere. He rolled in the bed, taking McKay's computer with him. Where he had been in the bed, the sheets were slashed.

"Oh, hell no," he muttered as he untangled himself from sheets and IV lines.

Lorne moved to stand in front of Elizabeth. Dex and Teyla hurried to defend John and the scientists.

John made it to his feet, "Teer, this is between you and me, leave my friends alone," he had to shout to make himself heard.

"You had your chance, John."

Beckett stood bewildered in the middle of the room. The creature flickered in their vision once more and lashed out with a claw. Beckett fell with bloody claw marks across his chest.

With a roar, Dex charged the creature, Teyla at his back. It was too fast. With a sweep of its massive paws, it picked up Dex and threw him into Teyla. Together they crashed into the wall. Teyla went down and didn't move again, but Dex was back up, moving to stand with Lorne at Elizabeth's side.

John watched in horror as the creature mowed through them. Soon, all three were down, their flesh in ribbons.

Somehow, through the cacophony of sound that assaulted them, John could still hear Teer clearly, "How does it feel John? To watch everyone you love leaving you?"

John ignored her as he gestured for Rodney and Zelenka to head for the door. He had to get them out. It was up to him to keep them safe. He could do nothing for the others, but he had to try and do something for these two and Atlantis.

They only made it a few steps before the creature was on them. John felt himself picked up and thrown through the air. He landed on something hard and metallic.

The air was pushed from his lungs and he felt bones give and break. He held on through the bright, hot flash of pain when he felt the creature's claws rake across his back. He had to protect his friends, it was his only thought.

He managed to lift his head from the floor. He stared in horror when he found Rodney lying next to him, his face waxen and eyes staring forward, seeing nothing. There was a thin line of blood that ran from his mouth.

"No," John screamed.

All he could hear was Teer laughing as the creature continued wreaking havoc through Atlantis.

~~~~~

He was sitting at the table where they took their mid-day meal in the compound. All the residents were there except Hedda, the chair at his side where the little girl had always sat was empty. Across from him, sitting in Teer's place, was a lovely young woman. She smiled at John. Her eyes danced with a mischievous sparkle and brown curls framed her face.

"Hedda?" he asked after a moment's hesitation.

"John, it is so good to see you again," she smiled her pleasure at him.

"Am I dead?" He looked for his friends, wondering if they had all ascended together.

"No, John," Hedda shook her head and her curls bounced. "This is just the space between."

"Between?"

"Between the moments, John, we needed to speak to you. To apologize," Hedda's eyes turned sad and sparkled with unshed tears.

_John was on the floor in the infirmary, the dead lay around him. An alarm was sounding and John knew... He knew that Atlantis was dying, too. John felt the numbness spreading through him. He had failed everyone he had ever cared about. He didn't care what happened to him._

"Where are my friends, Hedda? Teer, she..."

"John," Hedda reached out and took his hand gently, "We know, and we are so sorry. We did not know what Teer was doing. You must believe us. She was greatly damaged and none of us knew."

John swallowed, trying to forced down the lump in his throat so that he could speak. "Damaged? She was fucking insane."

Hedda didn't take offense at his words, she spoke gently, "It hurt her greatly when our parents ascended leaving her here to care for us. She felt alone and abandoned. The thought of you was all that sustained her through the years. The thought that you would love her and ascend with her, that you would both spend all of your years together."

"Hedda, I never meant for her to think..."

"John, it is not your fault. None of this. We should have seen it and helped her right away, but she kept it hidden from us. We did not know until she released the beast in Atlantis. It is connected to all of us. Then we knew. But we could not get there in time to prevent what happened. We are so sorry," the tears slid down Hedda's cheeks.

_He pushed himself to his hands and knees and moved to Rodney. He felt carefully for a pulse, knowing what he would find, but having to do it anyway. He had to be sure._

John wanted to scream, to throw things instead of sitting, calmly talking to Hedda about things he could do nothing about. "Sorry doesn't help me, Hedda. My friends are... dead, don't you understand that?" He laughed, a little hysterically, but he didn't really care. "You've never really lived Hedda, you've never cared for anyone or anything. How can you know what it feels like to know that everyone you've ever cared about, you've ever loved was dead?' John knew he was being unfair, but he didn't care anymore. He wanted someone else to hurt as bad as he did. It was *unfair* that all of his friends had to die before he realized just how much he cared for them, how they had come to mean more than family to him. He would have given his life for them, but now it was too late.

"You misunderstand us, John," Arvid put a hand on John's arm, maybe to calm him, John didn't know. He knocked the gentle touch away.

_John managed to push himself up until he was sitting. Teer and her beast were gone, but they had left bloody destruction in their path. He was surrounded by the dead bodies of his friends and Atlantis herself wasn't far behind. He let himself fall back to the floor, laying next to Rodney. He put a hand on his friend's shoulder._

"Don't touch me. You people have destroyed everything I cared about. You have the power of the universe at your fingertips, but you can't do a damn thing because of your rules."

"You are wrong, John," Hedda stood. "That is why we are here. It is true that normally we would not be able to do anything. We can not interfere with the natural progression of life. But this is not natural. Teer interfered with the natural progression of your life and we have been charged with returning everything to the way it was."

John sat, listening to Teer's words. He didn't quite understanding what she was saying, but feeling the hope flood through him all the same.

Around him, the others stood and they joined hands. Hedda smiled at him warmly and he could see once again the child that he had known, "You will not see us again, John, but know that we only wish you well."

There was a flash of blinding light. John was nowhere and everywhere. He was sitting at that table in the compound in the sanctuary. He was on the floor in the infirmary, his life's blood pooling around him....

Then John was standing at the sink in his quarters, steam billowing around him, the razor at his throat. It was so abrupt that he flinched and cut himself, a bright red drop of blood welling up.

"Shit," he muttered, his hands shaking. He dropped the razor into the sink and backed away a step. He stared into the mirror and was astonished to see himself as he had been hours before, half shaved, but alive. Hurriedly he pressed a bit of kleenex to the small cut. He rummaged through his kit and found another razor, one not quite so lethal as the other. He finished quickly, not even daring to hope that this was real, that everything was back to the way it had been.

He didn't pause to shower or change, he charged out of his room to find Rodney sitting on his couch, feet up on the little table, sorting through John's movies with a critical eye. He looked over his shoulder at John when he heard the door open.

"I can not believe that you have all three 'Back to the Future' movies..." he stopped as John moved past him to pick up his radio.

John inserted it into his ear and tapped it. "Elizabeth?"

"John?" her voice came through loud and clear and alive. "Is there something you need?"

Hedda and the rest of the ascended ones really had fixed it. John let the realization spread through him, He was home and everything was alright.

"No, uhm, Elizabeth. I had.. a question, but I figured it out. Thanks."

"You're welcome," he could hear the curiosity in her voice. "Let me know if you need anything."

"I will." John sat, relief making him weak.

"Are you alright?" Rodney was there at his side, peering down at him in concern.

John grinned up at him. "Oh, yeah," he said. "Everything's fine."

And it was.

John Sheppard, the man who had never needed anyone, never wanted to need anyone had found a home when he least expected it. It had only taken coming to another galaxy to find it. He looked around dazed at his room, he was back on Atlantis with his home and family. That was the epiphany John Sheppard had had in the sanctuary. It was true that he would give up his life for any of them if necessary. But he'd rather live his life with them.

He flashed a smile at Rodney. "So, we going to watch the Back to the Future movies?" he asked just to wind Rodney up.

"I can't believe you like those movies," Rodney complained even as he set up the computer and put the first disk in.

"What's not to like?" John moved to sit on the couch, feet up, making himself comfortable. "There's a fast car, cool adventures and good friends. What else do you need?"

Rodney looked askance at him, eyes narrowed. Yeah, McKay probably knew something was up, and he'd probably manage to get it out of John someday. But not today. Today they had a movie to watch and a life to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to my beta, chocolatephysicist. My story is so much better because of her eagle eye!! Any mistakes remaining are my own. Some of the credit for this story also goes to her. We spent an entire day discussing the creepier aspects of the episode 'Epiphany.' This story was born on that day.


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